#InsideJokes

During my time in Texas I realized that I missed you. I woke up every morning discovering all over again that there was a piece of me missing. I took you for granted and I am so very sorry. I never would have imagined how much I needed you. I thought that I could live without you, that I would be ok. I mean there were times that I couldn’t even eat. I would look back on all the meals we shared and get this warm, sometimes too hot feeling inside. Now that I am back I promise that I will not go back to the pot again. Oh how I have missed you my dear microwave.

Always yours,

Me. 

A Lesson from Baby

I have lived by this phrase,  using it to weed out the people who are not worthy of being in my life. Life is full of walking into walls, tripping over your own feet, and brain to mouth malfunctions. To me, those moments are the best because later they make for a good laugh. The people who love us despite these doings or love us because we have these moments are the people who become our best friends, our lovers, husbands or wives. Fuck those people who make you feel ashamed and put you in a corner because you are not socially perfect and/or because you should be covered in bubble wrap. Wear that bubble wrap PROUD. (Though if I were to wear bubble wrap I would get nothing done. You would probably find me on the floor exhausted from rolling around wondering why I wasn't popping which I soon after figure out it is because I picked up the non-popping bubble wrap at the store. Why would they make such a thing anyway?) Embrace your awkwardness and when you feel embarrassed yell "I CARRIED A WATERMELON." Why?
Because: 
1. Why not?
2. You might find someone that gets the reference,  who just might be your soulmate.  

Live, Love and definitely Laugh.

*STORY TIME*

A few years ago I still had a small 13 in box tv. Tis was a time that 3D movies and tvs just came out. I rented Coraline from the library which happened to be the 3D version. My brother came in, looked at me and started cracking up. What he saw was me sitting on my bed with 3D glasses on watching said movie. I then turned and asked him why the movie was still blurry? Apparently you needed a 3D tv to watch a 3D movie to which the 3D glasses you got from the showing of the Hannah Montana Best of Both Worlds Tour in 3D movie (it was either that one or My Bloody Valentine in 3D...still) will not work. Go figure.

I was WARNED

My grandmother warned me. She said "Rachelle, Texas has bugs the size of SHOE BOXES!" I scoffed as I thought that I had seen it all. South Jersey has some pretty Jurassic bugs so I was used to it and I would be OK. Until one night about  1 a.m my roommate and I are innocently watching TV and I hear her take in a sharp, shaken, breath. Then I see it. I mean I couldn't miss it. On the wall near the coat rack was a giant...
                 black....
                        winged...
                                   Fucking...
                                               Ladies and Gentlemen this is not for the faint of heart...
                                                                                                                                   fucking....
                                                COCKROACH. 

A horrific sight indeed. I couldn't breath. My roommate grabbed the Raid and ever so carefully (BECAUSE COCKROACHES HERE FLY) raided the hell out of that little bugger. 

And then the unthinkable happened. IT DISAPPEARED. The giant brick of a bug went from being on the wall to MIA in a blink of an eye. We didn't know what to do. So after a few long, no breathing seconds I decided to get the broom and start batting at things. Finally we found it slowly scrambling and dying and all I could feel was sadness. I regretted what we had done. I still feel bad to this day, but then I remember I sometimes  sleep with my mouth open. Next time I will try to humanly dispose of said Goliath of a creature outside, but honestly, no promises.  

P.S. If my roommate had told me that roaches here fly and are the size of a telephone pole I would have stayed in Jersey. 

P.P.S I called my grandmother the other day and told her. She gloated in her "I told you so". (probably not, but I swear there was something in her tone...I'm on to you grandma.)


Just so you know 

Okay Okay...the last one was a little exaggerated but even the Times gets the struggle.

http://www.nytimes.com/1982/07/18/us/new-houstonians-quickly-discover-truth-and-humbug-about-roaches.html

Read for yourselves Skeptics

Obviously

Being away from my niece has been the hardest part of moving. She is the one person I hoped to see when I got home from work. I would get so excited that she was there, and so disappointed when she was not. 

What is really cool is that she has parts of all of us. She looks and is a germophobe like my brother (Her dad). She has my 'laugh at everything you can' attitude, big head and feet (Sorry Lydia) and my youngest brothers talent to  stoically ignore everyone when she doesn't want to do anything or speak. We also share similar mannerisms that are common amongst me and my brothers. It is pretty awesome to see our quirks and bits of personality seep through to the next generation. Parents probably feel like that all the time but to the 'I am going to be the rich aunt/uncle' type people, this is extra special because there is a possibility of not seeing parts of us pass on. It is a different kind of relationship. We can do  stuff like make messes and then give the kid back. We can teach them bad things parents can't teach their kids. We will have fun and share secrets. 

She has a lot ahead of her and I will be there as much as I can. I hope she takes after me more than just my awesomeness. I hope she is able to see the silver lining in things. I hope that she is able to stay true to herself, and make proper choices in order to do so. I hope she is amazing and keeps the love in her heart, and continually see the joy that the world has to offer. 

Lydia I am proud to be your aunt and I love you so much. 

I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID WHEN I WAS TIRED

Last night I thought it would be a good idea not to sleep. I experienced that weird phenomenon that happens when you are ready to go to sleep at a decent hour, maybe play on your phone or be on the computer thinking "I have a half hour before I have to go to bed." AND THEN IT HAPPENS. That half hour turns into 3-4 hours passed to which it is then that awkward time where you might as well stay up because the birds will be chirping soon, and if you were to go to bed you'd sleep till dinner time. 

Thing is I AM A COMPLETE AND UTTER BITCH WHEN I DON'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP. Normal things that would bother me irk me to no end. I have said many things that I did not mean when I was tired, in the moment justifying it as them being an ass nugget. Though, I do tell them to leave me alone to which I am considered a bitch in that aspect though, I am just giving them a heads up. So yea...they are ass nuggets.  

Acts of Kindness

Most of us have seen those posts about people paid for a strangers dinner, or paying for someones groceries. I love those posts. Hearing about acts of kindness can take me from a really shitty, depressing, angry mood and just make everything right. 

We live in a world of negative media and it is really easy to let said media to affect our moods and our lives because it is everywhere. There is always something negative that we forget the people are good. MOST people are good. There are more good people in this world than are bad, though these days it does not seem like it. I have been guilty of think of the world and its people as bad. I used to think that most people are out to get others, etc. BUT since I moved to the South I have found that MOST people are good. For example, I went to the grocery store the other day and I was about to put my cart back in the cart return and this lady said "I'll put your cart back, I'm going that way." That small act made my day. People in Jersey don't even put the carts back let alone putting away someone elses. 

Now, now I know that people are kind all over, but I have found generosity and kindness more frequent in the South. One of my theories is that us Yankees are so busy and in a rush all the time. Life there is so fast paced, peoples focus is getting what they need to get done well...done. It sounds productive, but I come from working 50 hours a week, plus was in school full time and I was miserable. I was miserable because all I did was work, school and sleep. I didn't have time for myself, let alone for other people and I would get mad if someone bothered me. I mean I would hold doors for people, and I only told a few people to Fuck off, but I am different here. Everything is slower. People talk slower, drive slower, etc which gives them time to stop and smell the roses and participate in things that count. I also think that people are less off putting here so people are not afraid to extend a hand because who wants to try to help someone and be completely shot down. It hurts. 

Today, I doing laundry and I paid for a ladies machine. At first I was hesitant because I didn't know how she would take it. Would she think that I thought she couldn't pay for it? Would she think that I wanted something from her? I know how ridiculous it sounds but if you are from where I am from those questions make sense. It took me a second, but I went on and left the laundry room. She did not speak good English, but her young daughter was there and explained what I had done. She caught me outside, shook my hand. That made me feel so good. It made me feel good because I wanted nothing in return. I just had hope that it made her day a little brighter. I was happy because I had the opportunity to return the act of kindness that the shopping cart lady showed me. And you want to know something. It was painless and took a whole 3 seconds. 

Leaving Home

Last week I took the drive from Jersey to Texas. Why you may ask? Because at 26 I am ready to leave home. I finally left my fear and guilt behind and just went for it. I visited Houston last year and fell in love. It is beautiful, exciting AND my best friend lives here. It was never a rash decision, though my mom would say otherwise. I have been thinking about moving for over a year. I have moved in and out of my families house, always being asked to come back for different reasons. Number one being my mothers guilt trips. I never had a good relationship with my family. I mean there were good times, but for the most part we really ignored each other. So when they showed any interest in wanting me home, I would come back thinking that we would start anew and have the relationship that other families had. That never happened. (I do not write this to blame, but to give a little bit of back story.)

Fear also had a lot to do with me staying. Moving  for anyone is scary because it is something out of your current comfort zone...so I decided to move cross country. This decision finalized when I woke up one day and did not have a feeling of fear, guilt or regret. Instead I had the gut feeling that now was the time to do it, so I did. Of course I would never tell anyone just pack and pick a city. That is just too close to the line a possible failure (not that it couldn't happen right now). I am lucky enough to have a best friend that took me in for the time being. 

Now that I am here, everything is hitting me. As I was packing, and finishing up at work, my grandmother landed in the ICU and was in there for a few weeks (she is fine now) and my dog got really sick and I had to put him to sleep. I also ended up taking the trip alone because my mom had a really bad panic attack the day of and couldn't come with me as planned. I which my mom had come, I am glad that my I was able to visit my grandmother before the move and I miss my dog. Of course I miss my family, more than I thought I would. It is sad, but I know that I will be OK. When I visit I will be happy to see my family instead of ignoring each other. It was time, and it is time for me to live life for me and establish myself.