Leaving Home

Last week I took the drive from Jersey to Texas. Why you may ask? Because at 26 I am ready to leave home. I finally left my fear and guilt behind and just went for it. I visited Houston last year and fell in love. It is beautiful, exciting AND my best friend lives here. It was never a rash decision, though my mom would say otherwise. I have been thinking about moving for over a year. I have moved in and out of my families house, always being asked to come back for different reasons. Number one being my mothers guilt trips. I never had a good relationship with my family. I mean there were good times, but for the most part we really ignored each other. So when they showed any interest in wanting me home, I would come back thinking that we would start anew and have the relationship that other families had. That never happened. (I do not write this to blame, but to give a little bit of back story.)

Fear also had a lot to do with me staying. Moving  for anyone is scary because it is something out of your current comfort zone...so I decided to move cross country. This decision finalized when I woke up one day and did not have a feeling of fear, guilt or regret. Instead I had the gut feeling that now was the time to do it, so I did. Of course I would never tell anyone just pack and pick a city. That is just too close to the line a possible failure (not that it couldn't happen right now). I am lucky enough to have a best friend that took me in for the time being. 

Now that I am here, everything is hitting me. As I was packing, and finishing up at work, my grandmother landed in the ICU and was in there for a few weeks (she is fine now) and my dog got really sick and I had to put him to sleep. I also ended up taking the trip alone because my mom had a really bad panic attack the day of and couldn't come with me as planned. I which my mom had come, I am glad that my I was able to visit my grandmother before the move and I miss my dog. Of course I miss my family, more than I thought I would. It is sad, but I know that I will be OK. When I visit I will be happy to see my family instead of ignoring each other. It was time, and it is time for me to live life for me and establish myself.