Being away from my niece has been the hardest part of moving. She is the one person I hoped to see when I got home from work. I would get so excited that she was there, and so disappointed when she was not.
What is really cool is that she has parts of all of us. She looks and is a germophobe like my brother (Her dad). She has my 'laugh at everything you can' attitude, big head and feet (Sorry Lydia) and my youngest brothers talent to stoically ignore everyone when she doesn't want to do anything or speak. We also share similar mannerisms that are common amongst me and my brothers. It is pretty awesome to see our quirks and bits of personality seep through to the next generation. Parents probably feel like that all the time but to the 'I am going to be the rich aunt/uncle' type people, this is extra special because there is a possibility of not seeing parts of us pass on. It is a different kind of relationship. We can do stuff like make messes and then give the kid back. We can teach them bad things parents can't teach their kids. We will have fun and share secrets.
She has a lot ahead of her and I will be there as much as I can. I hope she takes after me more than just my awesomeness. I hope she is able to see the silver lining in things. I hope that she is able to stay true to herself, and make proper choices in order to do so. I hope she is amazing and keeps the love in her heart, and continually see the joy that the world has to offer.
Lydia I am proud to be your aunt and I love you so much.
Last week I took the drive from Jersey to Texas. Why you may ask? Because at 26 I am ready to leave home. I finally left my fear and guilt behind and just went for it. I visited Houston last year and fell in love. It is beautiful, exciting AND my best friend lives here. It was never a rash decision, though my mom would say otherwise. I have been thinking about moving for over a year. I have moved in and out of my families house, always being asked to come back for different reasons. Number one being my mothers guilt trips. I never had a good relationship with my family. I mean there were good times, but for the most part we really ignored each other. So when they showed any interest in wanting me home, I would come back thinking that we would start anew and have the relationship that other families had. That never happened. (I do not write this to blame, but to give a little bit of back story.)
Fear also had a lot to do with me staying. Moving for anyone is scary because it is something out of your current comfort zone...so I decided to move cross country. This decision finalized when I woke up one day and did not have a feeling of fear, guilt or regret. Instead I had the gut feeling that now was the time to do it, so I did. Of course I would never tell anyone just pack and pick a city. That is just too close to the line a possible failure (not that it couldn't happen right now). I am lucky enough to have a best friend that took me in for the time being.
Now that I am here, everything is hitting me. As I was packing, and finishing up at work, my grandmother landed in the ICU and was in there for a few weeks (she is fine now) and my dog got really sick and I had to put him to sleep. I also ended up taking the trip alone because my mom had a really bad panic attack the day of and couldn't come with me as planned. I which my mom had come, I am glad that my I was able to visit my grandmother before the move and I miss my dog. Of course I miss my family, more than I thought I would. It is sad, but I know that I will be OK. When I visit I will be happy to see my family instead of ignoring each other. It was time, and it is time for me to live life for me and establish myself.
