I was WARNED

My grandmother warned me. She said "Rachelle, Texas has bugs the size of SHOE BOXES!" I scoffed as I thought that I had seen it all. South Jersey has some pretty Jurassic bugs so I was used to it and I would be OK. Until one night about  1 a.m my roommate and I are innocently watching TV and I hear her take in a sharp, shaken, breath. Then I see it. I mean I couldn't miss it. On the wall near the coat rack was a giant...
                 black....
                        winged...
                                   Fucking...
                                               Ladies and Gentlemen this is not for the faint of heart...
                                                                                                                                   fucking....
                                                COCKROACH. 

A horrific sight indeed. I couldn't breath. My roommate grabbed the Raid and ever so carefully (BECAUSE COCKROACHES HERE FLY) raided the hell out of that little bugger. 

And then the unthinkable happened. IT DISAPPEARED. The giant brick of a bug went from being on the wall to MIA in a blink of an eye. We didn't know what to do. So after a few long, no breathing seconds I decided to get the broom and start batting at things. Finally we found it slowly scrambling and dying and all I could feel was sadness. I regretted what we had done. I still feel bad to this day, but then I remember I sometimes  sleep with my mouth open. Next time I will try to humanly dispose of said Goliath of a creature outside, but honestly, no promises.  

P.S. If my roommate had told me that roaches here fly and are the size of a telephone pole I would have stayed in Jersey. 

P.P.S I called my grandmother the other day and told her. She gloated in her "I told you so". (probably not, but I swear there was something in her tone...I'm on to you grandma.)


Just so you know 

Okay Okay...the last one was a little exaggerated but even the Times gets the struggle.

http://www.nytimes.com/1982/07/18/us/new-houstonians-quickly-discover-truth-and-humbug-about-roaches.html

Read for yourselves Skeptics