She Thinks I Need Jesus, I Just Want Some Kool Aid...Red Flavor Please.

Today at work I had a conversation that consisted of pet heaven, pointers on how to get into people heaven, Jihad, Jim Jones and Hitler all in a matter of 15 min. 
True Story.

I was always told that there are 3 topics that one should not talk about:
Money
Religion
Politics. 
Well I don't listen. 

I could tell she was religious when she asked me if I knew what it takes to get into Heaven. Me wanting to be a smart ass the first thought that popped in my head had to do with Satan  but I didn't say anything. You know what I did? I listened and you know what I AM STILL ALIVE AND IT CAUSED ME NO PHYSICAL PAIN. 

And you know what I learned? That she believes in God. That she finds comfort in her pet going to a better place when the time comes, and that she was willing to reciprocate and listen to what I had to say. I KNOW. AN INTELLIGENT, NON EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WHO HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS ABOUT ONE OF THE MOST TABOO SUBJECTS AND NO ONE FLIPPED A TABLE. Who'd A thunk it? She was also kind enough to bring me scripture, and though I am not going to read it the fact that she took her time to give me something was all that mattered to me. 

Matter of the fact is people just need to CALM THE FUCK DOWN. Also STOP MISTAKING THAT RADICALS (which are present in every religious and non religious group) AS SPOKESPEOPLE FOR THEIR ENTIRE RELIGION. 

Want to know how to tell the difference between a radical and a regular messenger from God. The latter usually uses fear to try and teach people to be valuable members of society and achieving the ultimate goal of Heaven. I am not talking about extreme fear like your going to die if you have naughty thoughts about your neighbors spouse, but the fear if they are a  bad person they are not going to get into heaven.

The radicals use the peoples desperation and wants, the goal being that said radical will prophet power and riches. For example: this person promises riches, housing, food, etc to people who lack those things in exchange for loyalty, money, etc. usually ending in high body counts. 

Some people may find no difference between the two, on the other hand  it will make total sense to others.  BOTH ARE OK. 

I believe in a higher power, but I do not believe in religious text. It just doesn't add up for me. My God is very personal because it is not the traditional interpretation of God and you know what? My faith has gotten me through a lot in my life. I am still here because of my faith. I also respect that others have faith in things besides religion like other humans. What matters in the end is that we have something that we believe in enough to get us through this shitty thing called life. 

Speak less, Listen more. The people who get heated over other peoples views are people not willing to listen with an open mind so fuck 'em. 

"Can't The Vet Just Give Me Medication With Out An Appointment?"

I consider myself to be very lucky. At the age of 26 I have found my calling whilst many people spend their whole lives searching for what they are 'meant' to do. I have had many jobs, and honestly never thought of any of them as something I can make a career out of. A little about me, I get bored fairly quickly. I have the need to learn new things and once that well runs dry I move on to the next until I started working with animals. Three years later and I am still not bored. 

For those who want to know what it is like working at an animal hospital I will explain with memes, and those of you who have/are working at an animal hospital you probably have already posted most of these on your wall. 

We have been peed on, shit on, bled on (the latter got me a free drink once...another story for another time). We have been lunged at (usually after the owner specifically states that their dog wont bite) therefore bitten, and scratched. We wrangled cats in/out of the carrier and have carried 100lb dogs that become 700lbs of dead weight as soon as they are called into the exam room. Yelled at. Cursed at. We greet the animal before the person. We bark/meow and sometimes hiss back. We see new beginnings and hear awesome stories. We see heart break everyday. And yes, after everything I still love what I do...I am lucky. 

#InsideJokes

During my time in Texas I realized that I missed you. I woke up every morning discovering all over again that there was a piece of me missing. I took you for granted and I am so very sorry. I never would have imagined how much I needed you. I thought that I could live without you, that I would be ok. I mean there were times that I couldn’t even eat. I would look back on all the meals we shared and get this warm, sometimes too hot feeling inside. Now that I am back I promise that I will not go back to the pot again. Oh how I have missed you my dear microwave.

Always yours,

Me. 

A Lesson from Baby

I have lived by this phrase,  using it to weed out the people who are not worthy of being in my life. Life is full of walking into walls, tripping over your own feet, and brain to mouth malfunctions. To me, those moments are the best because later they make for a good laugh. The people who love us despite these doings or love us because we have these moments are the people who become our best friends, our lovers, husbands or wives. Fuck those people who make you feel ashamed and put you in a corner because you are not socially perfect and/or because you should be covered in bubble wrap. Wear that bubble wrap PROUD. (Though if I were to wear bubble wrap I would get nothing done. You would probably find me on the floor exhausted from rolling around wondering why I wasn't popping which I soon after figure out it is because I picked up the non-popping bubble wrap at the store. Why would they make such a thing anyway?) Embrace your awkwardness and when you feel embarrassed yell "I CARRIED A WATERMELON." Why?
Because: 
1. Why not?
2. You might find someone that gets the reference,  who just might be your soulmate.  

Live, Love and definitely Laugh.

*STORY TIME*

A few years ago I still had a small 13 in box tv. Tis was a time that 3D movies and tvs just came out. I rented Coraline from the library which happened to be the 3D version. My brother came in, looked at me and started cracking up. What he saw was me sitting on my bed with 3D glasses on watching said movie. I then turned and asked him why the movie was still blurry? Apparently you needed a 3D tv to watch a 3D movie to which the 3D glasses you got from the showing of the Hannah Montana Best of Both Worlds Tour in 3D movie (it was either that one or My Bloody Valentine in 3D...still) will not work. Go figure.

I was WARNED

My grandmother warned me. She said "Rachelle, Texas has bugs the size of SHOE BOXES!" I scoffed as I thought that I had seen it all. South Jersey has some pretty Jurassic bugs so I was used to it and I would be OK. Until one night about  1 a.m my roommate and I are innocently watching TV and I hear her take in a sharp, shaken, breath. Then I see it. I mean I couldn't miss it. On the wall near the coat rack was a giant...
                 black....
                        winged...
                                   Fucking...
                                               Ladies and Gentlemen this is not for the faint of heart...
                                                                                                                                   fucking....
                                                COCKROACH. 

A horrific sight indeed. I couldn't breath. My roommate grabbed the Raid and ever so carefully (BECAUSE COCKROACHES HERE FLY) raided the hell out of that little bugger. 

And then the unthinkable happened. IT DISAPPEARED. The giant brick of a bug went from being on the wall to MIA in a blink of an eye. We didn't know what to do. So after a few long, no breathing seconds I decided to get the broom and start batting at things. Finally we found it slowly scrambling and dying and all I could feel was sadness. I regretted what we had done. I still feel bad to this day, but then I remember I sometimes  sleep with my mouth open. Next time I will try to humanly dispose of said Goliath of a creature outside, but honestly, no promises.  

P.S. If my roommate had told me that roaches here fly and are the size of a telephone pole I would have stayed in Jersey. 

P.P.S I called my grandmother the other day and told her. She gloated in her "I told you so". (probably not, but I swear there was something in her tone...I'm on to you grandma.)


Just so you know 

Okay Okay...the last one was a little exaggerated but even the Times gets the struggle.

http://www.nytimes.com/1982/07/18/us/new-houstonians-quickly-discover-truth-and-humbug-about-roaches.html

Read for yourselves Skeptics

Obviously

Being away from my niece has been the hardest part of moving. She is the one person I hoped to see when I got home from work. I would get so excited that she was there, and so disappointed when she was not. 

What is really cool is that she has parts of all of us. She looks and is a germophobe like my brother (Her dad). She has my 'laugh at everything you can' attitude, big head and feet (Sorry Lydia) and my youngest brothers talent to  stoically ignore everyone when she doesn't want to do anything or speak. We also share similar mannerisms that are common amongst me and my brothers. It is pretty awesome to see our quirks and bits of personality seep through to the next generation. Parents probably feel like that all the time but to the 'I am going to be the rich aunt/uncle' type people, this is extra special because there is a possibility of not seeing parts of us pass on. It is a different kind of relationship. We can do  stuff like make messes and then give the kid back. We can teach them bad things parents can't teach their kids. We will have fun and share secrets. 

She has a lot ahead of her and I will be there as much as I can. I hope she takes after me more than just my awesomeness. I hope she is able to see the silver lining in things. I hope that she is able to stay true to herself, and make proper choices in order to do so. I hope she is amazing and keeps the love in her heart, and continually see the joy that the world has to offer. 

Lydia I am proud to be your aunt and I love you so much. 

I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I SAID WHEN I WAS TIRED

Last night I thought it would be a good idea not to sleep. I experienced that weird phenomenon that happens when you are ready to go to sleep at a decent hour, maybe play on your phone or be on the computer thinking "I have a half hour before I have to go to bed." AND THEN IT HAPPENS. That half hour turns into 3-4 hours passed to which it is then that awkward time where you might as well stay up because the birds will be chirping soon, and if you were to go to bed you'd sleep till dinner time. 

Thing is I AM A COMPLETE AND UTTER BITCH WHEN I DON'T GET ENOUGH SLEEP. Normal things that would bother me irk me to no end. I have said many things that I did not mean when I was tired, in the moment justifying it as them being an ass nugget. Though, I do tell them to leave me alone to which I am considered a bitch in that aspect though, I am just giving them a heads up. So yea...they are ass nuggets.